Why Do We Compromise Our Dreams?

The thing I want the most right now is to finish and publish my book. One book in particular. 

And yet, it continues to lag into a trailing position in terms of things I work on every day.

I'm publishing a blog regularly. I'm collaborating with a writing partner on another project. I recently outlined another book after agreeing to help a friend through some tough times. I'm dedicating sixteen hours a week to a new client. I just finished an intense two-week, heads down project for another. And I need more clients and more projects, so there's the business development side and pipeline management. Then there's my daily meditation practice. Journaling. And the normal responsibilities that come with being a husband and father.

And yet, my science fiction book? The one thing I'm most fascinated by? The one thing I'm most curious to work on and finish? I tend to it, but almost at an arm's length. 

Why does it always come last? I'm genuinely exploring this. Why do I continue to leave this to the side while I make other things a priority.

I succumb regularly to telling myself these other things are all the things I should do first. Most of these things involve responsibilities to others. I owe it to my writing partner to do my part and bring new work to our next session. My friend needs help, and I owe it to him to give him the attention he's due. Clients pay the bills. I should be doing all these things.

The fiction book? Well, no one's asking me for it. No one needs it. No one else's deadline depends on it. 

While not a vanity project, it still feels a bit selfish, or at least merely self-serving.  The only thing driving its possible progression is my internal desire to craft the story.

I want to write it. I get excited by the idea of inventing an entirely fictional world populated by fictional characters doing entirely fictional things. And, I started writing it because of a memento mori exercise where I concluded quite starkly that if I didn't write this book, I would be lying on my death bed regretting that I didn't.

Why do I let it slip away from its proper place at the top of my priorities list? Why? And perhaps more importantly, how do I remedy this lapse in the pursuit of my dream?