Listening is Giving

A married couple I know is going through a tough time. After 25 years of marriage, they've separated. 

A family member confided in me that he's struggling with depression.

Strangely, I was glad to hear that. With a problem identified, it can be addressed. Plus, I know what depression is like and I've learned quite a few effective tools over the years to ease the pain it causes.

So, I reached out to him and we set up a time to meet.

It was weeks away, so I had all kinds of time to prepare. I revisited my years long journey and crafted a mental timeline of when certain things appeared and became useful for me. Nothing all that revolutionary, but effective. Avoiding alcohol. Walking in nature. Meditating. Healthy nutrition.

I was all geared up to share. "I know what you're feeling. I can help."

I barely said a word.

He needed to talk. And I could listen. 

Do you remember what it's like when you were a kid (and maybe more recently) when you got hurt pretty bad? Not emergency room hurt, but close.  I mean, when you really felt the pain? A skinned knee or banged shin?

An adult usually appears immediately and asks, "Are you okay? Where does it hurt? What happened?"

And all you wanted to do was cry. It HURTS! And you just need to yell or scream or cry or whatever to get that out.

You're not yet in a state to explain anything. Or take advice. 

I sat there and listened. I could relate to what he was saying. He was angry and he didn't know why. He didn't do the things he used to do. He felt distant from his family.

He didn't need to hear my tips on meditation, or how alcohol wouldn't help, or that fresh air and exercise would.

He just needed to be heard. I could see he felt better, perhaps just a little bit, after talking.

Find someone to listen to today. Call someone you haven't talked to in a while. Check in. See how they're doing. People are suffering, just like you. Someone needs your ear. Take a look around. You probably don't need to look very far.

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