A Year Without Alcohol: Beer Days

Well, it finally happened and with all the confidence in the world, I casually walked into the local brewery and ordered a beer.

It was non-consequential. I had a pilsner and enjoyed it. 

In fact, over the past couple months, I've had several beer days. Not a lot. Maybe seven beer days out of the past sixty-five.  

I can't say I'm necessary glad that I did, but I do think in the larger scheme of things, they were helpful. It's broken logic to say that because of them, I think I'll drink less. But, somehow it seems like accurate and truthful.

Here's what I learned:

• I don't like drinking as much as I used to. A preference for non-alcoholic beer can develop quickly.
• Hangovers are coy and have retractable claws. First beer day, no hangover. Seventh beer day...just enough to feel the hankering for a "hair of the dog." The temptation was strong to turn one beer day into two.
• Alcohol is seductive, at least for me. I didn't immediately fall into a months-long bender of binge drinking. But, I was starting to like the idea of an occasional drink. The cadence was gaining an almost undetectable acceleration.
• I developed a sensitivity to the effects of even a single beer, and was getting desensitized to its after effects -- not physically, but mentally. The dehydration, lethargy, mild headache -- these were becoming the challenge to face; the norm. I felt myself focused on "standing up to it" and "getting through" rather than looking at the source again and just cutting it out. There is a strange, sick allure to tackling the morning after.
• My overall sense of well being was dampened. This is a big one. As I became curious about what a year without alcohol would look like, I was expecting something profound. A big change and upswing in life. Maybe that would come after a year, but two months in and my life was not remarkably better. But after sauntering back to a few bottles of beer here and there, the slow dampening of the spirit was undeniable.

That's it. No big earth shattering thing. No tragic falling-off-the-wagon story and doing something on the order of a major life regret.  

I'm still curious what a full year would look like, but it's almost the wrong way to frame it. I'm not out to do 365 days of sobriety. That feels heavy and hard.

One day at a time. I don't drink. A daily decision, yes, and also a state of being.